He Was My Brother
by StillWaters1
Summary: Alone after the events of Revenge of the Sith, ObiWan reflects.


Title: He Was My Brother

Author: Still Waters

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_After two viewings of Revenge of the Sith, I hope I have some understanding of how Obi-Wan felt after Anakin's turning. Those scenes struck me each time with indescribable emotion just begging for elaboration. This is my humble attempt. As one raised in the traditional Jedi manner, I can imagine that the Temple and the Jedi were home and family to Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon was his father, yet the other members were also his support system. The movie hinted as to the deep bond between Anakin and Obi-Wan and I believe there was truly love there. I wrote this with that love in mind – that complete and total devotion to another being. While I would normally believe that starting each line with the same words for this length would be too repetitive, I had to write it as such. In my mind, all this is going through Obi-Wan's mind with the words "he was my brother" playing over and over. I can see him hunched in a corner of his exiled cave, rocking back and forth, all this running through his mind once the adrenaline has worn off and the mission has been completed. Once he has time to think._

_This was written with the second half of "Anakin's Dark Deeds" playing in the background. I hope I do the music some justice. While far from perfect, these are the words that came._

_Still Waters_

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or any of its characters. I am simply borrowing them to tell their story.

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He was my brother. I trusted him, I loved him.

He stood at my back battle after battle and I was safe.

In war our weapons were one - in peace, our minds and thoughts.

I knew how to dispel his fears and he knew how to make me smile.

One look was all we needed – to plan, to comfort, to understand.

We grew up together, we learned our weaknesses and gained our strength from the other's very presence.

I was so proud of all he had accomplished, even with me as his teacher.

He was my gift, my soul, my foundation. After the loss of Qui-Gon, he was my family.

Within the walls of the Jedi Temple, we were all family.

…..I watched him kill my family.

With his very life, he cut down the very center of peace and stability in this time. Youngling and Master alike fell at the hands of one they had called brother. One _I_ had called brother.

He committed genocide. With my training. His weapon burned through the flesh of my friends and his troops burned the only place I ever called home.

He was my _brother_. We were supposed to fight evil together, not become evil itself. We were supposed to look back on the dark days together in peace, not look forward to darker days alone.

He became everything we were trained to destroy, everything I trained him to destroy. He made himself his brother's enemy. He made it my duty to kill him.

How could he turn away from what we had? How could he not hesitate in killing his brother? How could he make me decide between my ideals and my love? How did the two become separate entities?

Our blades were not meant for each other. His raw anger, my raw pain should never have been. When I left that planet, my hand should have been on his shoulder in devotion.

I begged Master Yoda. Do not make me do this. I begged _him_. Not to try it. I could always talk him down from his overconfidence. I could always make him see reason. Why did he not listen? Where did the anger come from that blinded his senses and forced me to leave the planet with only the symbol of who he had once been?

He was my brother. I could not kill him. After his turning, it was my duty to kill him. To destroy evil. After his leap, it was my duty to kill him. To show mercy on a friend in pain. I could do neither. The very Force trembled with his anger. I trembled along with it - of a sadness that no combination of sounds could ever give proper voice to.

His scream of hate echoes in my ears. The image of him cutting down younglings burns my eyes. Where did I go wrong? How could I not have seen?

He was my brother. I _loved_ him. I should not have. There is no attachment, there is no emotion. There is only the Force. Yet how can I deny my love for him, my devotion to him when the very Force itself shakes with the unbridled anger of my friend and the unlimited pain in my heart?

He helped shape the man I have become. He saved my life countless times. He was my heart.

His betrayal will shape the man I will become. I will continue my years questioning why he saved my life yet I could not save his. Why we did not remain in the Force together.

My spirit tears as my vision of him has – the bright Jedi who illuminated the Force – _he_ is my brother. I love him and I will always love him – the black Sith who shrouded the Force in darkness – he _was _my brother. I _loved_ him.

…..I loved him and he broke my heart.


End file.
